Christian conservatives are way, way better with metaphors than you ever thought they were. Either that or they're totally insane. I'll warn you right from the start, this post is written entirely from an outsider's perspective, about a phenomenon that has never made much sense to me, not even when I was growing up in a conservative Christian church myself. I am describing something that seems profoundly weird to me, about how Christian conservatives look at Jesus, and hope for his Second Coming.
When outsiders think of Christian conservatives, they generally picture a bunch of angry haters, scary nutballs like the mother in Carrie, who like nothing better than to envision the day when Jesus is going to return and start kicking some serious ass on all the nonbelievers and sinners in the world.
They couldn't be more wrong. Oh, I'm not saying conservative Christians don't single out a lot of groups (like all the ones they don't belong to themselves, mostly) and call them "sinners". They do. And if you corner them and pin them down, they're going to admit that since "the wages of sin is death," (Romans 6:23), that probably means that all those "sinners" are going to burn in Hell when they die. But you've got to look at the tone they use when they say this. There's no glee to it ...usually. Unless you're talking about Evil Uncle Chuckles, anyway.
There's no delight. Christian conservatives express nothing but regret, about the fact that they'll be spending an eternity resting on top of a fluffy pink cloud, while others such as Mormons and gay people and liberal Christians will be turning on the devil's rotisserie down below. After all, those are "...our own brothers and sisters, our own friends and neighbors, or maybe the young person in the next pew..." who will be roasting.
If you look around, you will find a ton of eager talk by conservatives, about how Jesus is coming any day now, and how great that will be. But what their looking forward to isn't the chance to watch sinners fry, it's the chance to see Jesus, their best friend, face to face. And maybe the reason we're all so ready to assume it's the other, is because this is so weird to us. I know it's weird to me.
It was weird to me when I was growing up Christian, and everyone else was always telling me how happy they were at the thought of their friend Jesus, and how comforting it was to lay their worries at his feet in prayer, and how eager they were for the day when they would no longer be seeing "through a glass darkly" (I Cor. 13:12), but would instead see face to face. And I just didn't get it. How could you be friends with someone you'd only read about in History books, the way you were with your best friend down the street? How could you get so excited at the thought of meeting them in some Heaven, that you also only knew about because of books? How could you get comfort out of going down on your knees and talking to them?
Suppose you tried doing that with Abraham Lincoln: Suppose you called him your best friend, and tried to whip up a lot of emotional feelings about him, and knelt at night to tell him all your troubles? Would it make you feel any better? Would it make anyone feel better, except for maybe a psychotic? Well that was kind of how I felt when I tried to use Jesus that way.
Catholics at least, have beautiful statues, and medals and things, they can look at, and maybe get a little comfort that way. Orthodox Christians have ikons. All conservative Protestants have is an empty wooden cross at the front of the sanctuary, and a leather-covered New International Version at home. And yet they manage to whip up a pretty strong froth of emotion anyway.
Look at all the Christian art there is out there, showing Jesus, cuddling up to a child or children like he's their Daddy or something.
Or look at the famous "footprints" poem, which tells the story of a woman who looked back on the most painful and desperate times of her life, then felt huge comfort, knowing that Jesus had carried her through them.
Or if you think all that is really media, and no real people actually think that way, here's an example for you: The International House of Prayer is a new and fast-growing conservative church, that puts a lot of emphasis on praying for the Judgment Day to come, so believers can be united with Jesus. They have a Facebook page that's divided sort of evenly, between offers of new merchandise, or ways to spend money on various conferences and retreats, and exhortations about how JESUS IS COMING SOON! Here is a screengrab of one of the latter kinds of posts:
The Bible verse at the top is Acts 3:21, which says that when "all things are restored", whatever that means, that's when Jesus will return to earth. So look how people respond: "Thank You, Jesus...can hardly wait" and references to Jesus as "the Bridegroom", and "my Beloved", and people saying, they're "longing for His Government and His earthly Kingdom and rule from His throne in Jerusalem," like they're talking about running down the driveway to meet Daddy when he gets home from work in the evening.
You can call this creepy (I do), you can call it weird (I do that too), -- You can do like my son did when I told him about it last night and say it's Jesusphilia. -- but the fact remains, if you want to know why conservative Christians get so excited about the Second Coming, this is why: They want to be with Jesus. And if the rest of us burn in Hell while they're enjoying their reunion? That's just a little added side benefit.
(Image courtesy of Redscylla)
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